As martial arts instructors, we often find ourselves not only as teachers of martial arts but also as mentors in life, helping to guide young minds into becoming confident adults. In many ways we become like an extra parent to our students, backing up and reinforcing the messages they are receiving at home. And as we build in our experience, our abilities to positively guide a child’s development can lead some parents to come to us for advice with their own child. While you cannot dictate what a parent will do, if a parent is seeking help, this is a good opportunity to share the basic principles that you follow with your students. Parents, after all, are learning their own lifelong task in teaching their children too.
Here are some principles we share with our parents…
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What you do matters - remind yourself that every day. How you treat and respond to your child should come from a knowledgeable, deliberate sense of what you want to accomplish.
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You cannot be too loving - It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love. What we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place of love—things like leniency, lowered expectations or material possessions.
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Be involved in your child’s life - Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing what you want to do for what your child needs you to do. Be there mentally as well as physically.
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Adapt your parenting to fit your child - Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development. As they grow they will face new challenges and take new actions that you may not be ready for, but they are. Ensure your parenting evolves with their growth.
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Establish and set rules - If you don’t manage your child’s behavior now when they are young, they will have a hard time learning how to manage themselves when they are older and you aren’t around. You should always be able to answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules they set for themselves.
Kyoshi Dave Kovar has a lifelong passion for helping children and their parents lead healthier, happier lives. His expertise as a leader and teacher in the martial arts world, as well as his own journey of fatherhood, gives him a unique perspective on what it really means to be a parent. With this experience, Kovar has published several booksengaging the topics of parenting. To purchase and read his books, visit our online bookstore by clicking here.
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