The holidays are a wonderful time of year to enjoy with the people who matter most to you. Unfortunately it's also a time when the crowds at the stores get thicker, causing a lot of extra stress. To get the most out of the season, I recommend embracing one of my favorite martial arts master mindsets: “I bring value to all of my relationships.”
“I bring value to all of my relationships” is a continual reminder of the importance of empathy, respect, patience and service. Very few people would disagree with this… in theory. But in practice, well that’s a different story. I want to share a simple experience that illustrates the importance of bringing value to all our relationships:
I found myself waiting in an extremely long line at the checkout counter one Saturday, just before Christmas. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who was doing some last minute Christmas shopping. And there was only one person working the cash register. There were eight people ahead of me and nobody was happy with the situation. The tension was so thick that you could almost see a gray aura of negativity gushing out of the line towards the undeserving cashier.
Unfortunately, I joined the fray and had become part of the mob mentality that was brewing. I felt impatient and indignant and tried to catch the cashier’s eye to communicate this. Eventually, she did glance up from the register long enough for our eyes to meet. It wasn’t long (only a fraction of a second), but it was long enough for me to completely change my perspective. With just that quick look, I saw her as a conscientious but overwhelmed person who was doing her best under stressful circumstances. She was trying to get through the day, working as hard as she could in a thankless job. The brief connection made me even more aware of the negativity being sent her way by the impatient crowd. But this time, I did not contribute negativity to the drama. In fact, I found myself wanting to help her, bring her some much needed compassion, and make her smile.
Amazingly, the line began to move faster when my attitude changed. When I reached the cash register, she looked up and forced a smile, undoubtedly expecting me to glare at her. Instead, I smiled at her and hoped that I could find the right words. I jokingly told her that she was personally responsible for not only the long line in the store, but for the traffic outside as well. She flashed me a relieved smile. You could almost feel her tension dissolving. I then thanked her for being so patient with all of us grumpy customers, and told her how I thought she was doing a great job and that the store was lucky to have her. As I was leaving the store, our eyes met and she mouthed “thank you,” and then happily turned back to the next person in line. I knew she felt better and so did I.
It’s amazing what a little bit of kindness can do for everyone involved. I can do better still. Sometimes I slip up, but I’m working on it. What I’ve found, though, is that kindness is an addiction. Once you taste a little, you want more. Kindness is one addiction that is good for everyone. So won’t you join me in some random acts of kindness? But beware, kindness is highly contagious!
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-Today's Challenge to Everyone- Consider going out of your way to do something nice for a few select people in your life---maybe for a family member, a coworker, or a complete stranger. Remember to go outside your comfort zone and do something different, something unexpected. Don’t expect anything in return. Don’t do it for recognition or gratitude. Do it because it is the right thing to do. In doing this, you’ll be reminded that bringing joy to others is the easiest way to bring more joy into your own life. |
For more mastery mindsets you can check out my book, Brief Moments of Clarity: A Martial Arts Instructor's Guide to Living. It makes a nice gift as well.